Back home for a time

I returned from from RTC-West this past Wednesday night and I must admit that I really enjoyed the training, and the time my unit had to really bond throughout while in California.  My first sergeant and commander are really funny and down-to-earth people, which set the tone for the NCOs and the lower enlisted to feel a sense of comfort with our leadership.  I always desire to have superiors who are approachable and that's exactly what we have.  My squad leader is a very squared away soldier and has helped me build a solid path for my Army career.  So I can confidently say that I feel more secure and trusting of my leaders as we finally prepare to fly to our mobilization station and from there to Afghanistan.  I'm not really looking forward to the long flight, jetlag and drastic time zone adjustment, but I do welcome the money this deployment will bring! ;)

Training

My unit received some great pre-deployment training that will soon become a thing of the past because the Army is no longer going to operate as it has during these two long wars.  But I digress...  Yes, the training was great.  We learned how to clear, load, fire, disassemble and reassemble several weapons (M16/M4, M9, M249 SAW, M240B and the MK19).  Besides my own weapon (M16), I wound up liking the M249 and the MK19.  We even did the "video game" training, actually called the EST (Engagement Skills Trainer) 2000.  It is a big virtual weapons engagement simulator that allows soldiers to practice grouping and zeroing on actual weapons and then qualifing on a simulated pop-up target qualifcation range.  It also has video scenarios for learning Rules of Engagement (ROE).  I however, had prior experience with this system when I went through Basic Combat Training in 2010 and also during the Best Warrior Competition in 2011.

We spent about four days at the firing range to group, zero and qualify on our respective weapons.  However, this qualification had an addition of firing with our pro mask on as if there were a chemical or biological attack.  My mask was fogging, but I hit all the targets during this portion of the qualification range.  To back up a bit, when I started the qualifications live fire I was doing great, hitting all my targets, but then my weapon jammed.  I quickly did immediate action (SPORTS), but no effect.  So I switched my magazine as fast as possible, but about two or three iterations of multiple pop-up targets came and went in the time that I performed SPORTS and swtiched magazines.  So this caused me to earn a skill level of marksman.  Quite honestly I thought I had failed by the time the final cease fire was called.  I am still bummed about it, but on a positive note were it real combat, I am happy that I resolved the weapon jam and still put rounds down range to suppress my enemy.  Bottom line!

In accordance with some unwritten army regulation we were required to be subjected to some days of death-by-PowerPoint in a few of our classes.  Staying awake was tough, but I still grasped some of the information in between several micronaps that I found myself taking involuntarily.  Blessedly, I was never caught sleeping! lol  And might I add that the vast majority of all the RTC instructors were drill sergeants.  Most of them were pretty laid back, while some seemed to not care less about rank or position and barked orders at us.  At any rate...

We did a good deal of convoy training, as we are a transportation unit after all and also had to do some training in mock villages with UTM rounds (rounds that actually fire from your weapon leaving a colored mark on you or your enemy).  There was also a lot of glass house training, which is where we practiced stacking in teams outside rooms in a building and entering to clear them.  Eventually we had to put our practice into action in what was aptly nicknamed the "shoot house" because it is a house with no ceiling with scaffolding above it for the instructors to watch from above as we clear rooms to find the high value target somewhere in the house.  It was very fun and gave quite an adrenaline rush because there was loud sounds played as if we were actually in country overseas.  A lot was happening, and yet we had to work as a team without shooting the crap out of each other (fratricide).  Sadly, I was shot in the arm by a private on the other team that was clearing the house with us. lol  Not cool!  Anyway, we did get the high value target in 7 minutes, as the event was timed where we could not exceed 10 minutes otherwise the instructor would blow the whistle and we fail the mission.

By the way, I'm not stating all the trainings we had, but glossing over some to hit the things that are most memorable.

On the last day we got to do a second convoy, but with live fire this time around.  I was the gunner on the M249 (SAW) and it was pretty awesome!  I hit the targets while moving through a convoy live firing range.  Totally cool experience, except for the waiting part prior to firing.   

In short, we also did land navigation with a DAGR (Defense Advanced GPS Receiver) and then the traditional way--map, protractor, grid coordinates, a compass and acres and acres of open rolling hills to make our lives miserable. I jest, but it was truly good and realistic land nav training.

All in all, I am satisfied with the training we received this month.  And as already stated, I'm more confident and prepared to move out and complete our year-long mission in Afghanistan.

It is my deepest prayer that we come home safe and that our mission overseas goes off without any major hitches.  Difficulty, stress, strain, clashing personalities, cold and hot days are expected already in my mind.  In fact, I know these things are coming my way, but I count my blessings and prepare for anything--always locked, cocked and ready to rock should you-know-what hit the fan at any point.

To quote a line from the Soldier's Creed, "I stand ready to deployment, engage and destroy the enemies of the United States of America in close combat."  EVERY last soldier will likely taste some form of combat at least once in their military career. I know there are exceptions, and I suppose that can be considered a blessing for them.  But even with that said, enlisting without the expectation of combat is foolhardy to say the least.  I am prepared to face the decision I made when I took the oath of enlistment.  I am not fearless by any means, but I am courageous.

Let's talk.

These are the remaining video logs that I recorded while at Annual Training.

To change things up I decided to take my smaller camera with me to training for the first time and keep a video log.  I would strongly encourage any soldier, marine, airman, or sailor to keep a written and/or video account of their time in the military.  It provides a way to reflect and release.  It's good stuff! :)

For those that aren't familiar with what annual training is all about, to put it simply, US Army Reserve soldiers live predominately civilian lives in their home cities.  However, one weekend out of each month they attend drill at their respective reserve units.  Additonally, one particular month out of each year, reserve soldiers attend annual training, which can last two weeks or more, depending upon the closeness of a given unit's time to deploy (usually every five years, more or less).  That should bring you up to speed on what the frenchfry I have been talking about for the last month.

I returned home Saturday evening on August 6th and couldn't have been happier to get back.  I definitely learned a bit about my MOS as I stated in an earlier entry, but also learned a lot about my unit's overall function and it's members.  Working and living in close quarters with soldiers you like and dislike for a long period of time can be stressful, annoying and strangely beneficial all at once.  Annual training is deployment-like where you are not in control of what goes on around you nor what you are tasked to do, but you suck it up and get the work done.  I guess what I'm trying to say is annual training was boring, frustrating and afforded me the time to do a lot of soul searching about what I want to do and where I want to be in my army career.  Dear God!  If I could change my MOS today, I would do it with such a quickness that I'd leave a trail of fire behind me on my way to see a career counselor.

I have been asked on many occasions whether I am afraid, anxious or excited to go to Afghanistan.  Up until June my answer has always been to some effect, "I don't know."  But now I must honestly say that my answer has changed. I dread deploying to Afghanistan as an 88N, transportation management coordinator.  Going to Afghanistan doesn't bother me so much, but the MOS and the unit with which I am deploying leaves me very unhappy and unfulfilled as a soldier.  Be not confused, as I am quite capable of doing my duty with motivation, albeit false.  But deep down I am uninspired and less interested the longer I spend with my unit.  I have found myself praying for a way out almost entirely unaware--so much that my dreams reflect my feelings.  

(download)

Click here to download:

return-from-annual-training-and-my-epiphany-faHorCagHlFiJcIgoFdI.zip (683 KB)

All I want to do is be a photographer for the Army.  The only way to do this is to get an MOS in Combat Camera or Public Affairs (the Army is doing away with Combat Camera and blending it with Public Affairs).  At any rate, I have come to realize in the last two years that videography and photo journalism is where my heart is.  I wake up every single day, grab my camera and take photos of something or someone.  The sheer joy, fulfillment and sense of purpose couldn't be more fervent within me.  I still want to be an officer, but if it means giving up commissioning to be a camera on the ground, as it were, I'd do it! There is a reason for everything and it took a month of simulated deployment with my unit to Fort McCoy to realize it.  This epiphany that I have experienced in July has altered my focus and how I will go about shaping my future for the remainder of my Army contract.

To be continued...

We are finally in the last week of annual training and I very happy to be breaking everything down to return home.  Today we are running our MCT operations basically at 40% and working only until 1200 hours.  After today we are totally focused on recovery, as I said in my previous Annual Training post, such as cleaning weapons, washing our clothing, and returning unit items back to the conex.  Yesterday we washed and refueled the vehicles that we checked out and returned them--it was actually kind of fun at the washrack cleaning them. 

To some or maybe a lot of you, a lot of the things I'm talking about are probably foreign, since I have learned that the majority of my audience on this blog and YouTube are Future Soldiers (some future Airmen, Sailors, Marines and my family members and friends).  But I think you all will catch on if you keep up. :)

Right now I am sitting in the Forward Operating Base's MWR (Morale.Welfare.Recreation) tent where my unit's operations has been housed these 20 some odd days of our stay.  Most of our stuff is packed up and we're literally chillin'! lol  After we leave here at noon, we'll do an AAR (After Action Review) and then go to the half-mile running track to do 30-60s as a unit.  Originally it was just my squad leader and I that were going to run, then my platoon sergeant got wind of what we were planning to do for PT (physical training) today and therefore made it mandatory for the entire unit.  Sergeants are funny that way.

Tonight I want to relax and eat a big juicy cheesebuger!  I'll update this blog post (below) with a photo of it if I manage to get one today. ;) 

For the past few weeks I have been battling a cold and cough that wouldn't go away.  Yesterday, the symptoms reached such a severity that I was finally told to go to sick call.  I was examined, given medicine and put on 24 hours quarters yesterday morning and was sent back to the barracks to rest.  I felt very bad that I had to leave my unit short one person while we were already working with a skeleton crew of five, but I was equally, if not more, overjoyed at the fact that I could just lay down and sleep..  After about six to eight hours of sleep I eventually got up and read more of copy of Stephen King's novel "Under the Dome".  The book was intoxicating to read, scary and riveting!  I finally finished it today.

Today I feel a little better now that I have an antibiotic, sudafed and other medicines to help me battle this sickness.  But I can tell you that it isn't going away without a fight.  My head aches throughout the day with any amount of strain on my body and I've been getting short of breath.  In fact, when I told the doctor (the lieutenant colonel) that I had shortness of breath, that is when he added the 24 hours quarters to my medical profile.  I'm still having trouble breathing, but I'm praying that it will a go away soon.

In a few days the FOB will be empty and my unit will be able to return our borrowed vehicles and equipment, and return to the contonement area to do recovery, clean, and pack to fly out by the end of next week.  I checked my LES (Leaves and Earnings Statement) and can't wait to get paid so that I my cover my bills.

Lastly, once I get home I plan to have a marathon movie day at the movie theater watching all the major films that I've been itching to see this month:  Harry Potter, Captain  America, Aliens & Cowboys, The Smurfs, Crazy Stupid Love and more.  Obviously, I won't be able to see all of these films in a day, but I definitely plan to start with Harry Potter! 

In this picture above I hid 2nd Lieutenant rank on my ACU as a symbol and a reminder of my goal, how I should carry myself and guide my thinking.  Yes, I know it is entirely out of Army regulation, but just read and I think it will be made clear as to why I secretly wear this passion.

Two days ago while on duty I had a bit of down time, so I decided to recall all of the questions that were asked of me in the first Officer Direct Commission board that I attended.  (If you recall, I wrote a post explaining in great detail how that board played out here.)  After jotting down the questions I looked over them carefully and made mental notes of the ones that required the most crucial answer.  The questions were as follows:

• Tell us what you do or tell us about yourself.
• Who is your mentor or guide at your unit?
• How do you plan to make up for the training you've missed in OCS and ROTC?
• What other leadership roles have you had besides teaching?
• What do you see yourself doing in the Army in the next 3 to 7 years?
• Why didn't you do ROTC in college?
• Why are you trying to become an officer now?

These questions were critical and very probing.  I stumbled to put it very bluntly.  However, I  basically concluded in my blog post about my first ODC board attempt that my trouble stemmed from not having a clear answer to the most important question that wasn't asked in the first interview:  

Why do you want to be an Army Officer?

So, after jotting down these questions and thinking over them, I then resorted to answering this critical question above.

I have natural passion for leading and teaching people.

I desire to be greater than I am by expanding my abilities through knowledge, trial and error, while continuing to press forward.

I believe my purpose lies within the realm of military leadership and decision-making to help serve and protect people of the United States and it's Constitution.

I know that my civilian education, teaching experience and skills will uniquely aid me in developing the additional technical and tactical proficiences and qualities needed to be an Army officer, once coupled with officer training.

Overall I believe that by serving as an Army Reserve commissioned officer, I will be a better leader than I am, allow me to further myself in higher education, and ultimately open doors for a civilian occupation with a major US governmental agency.

I wrote my answer to this question in a creed-like fashion because it makes my thoughts and intentions very clear to anyone that reads it.  I know what I am after and I will not give up!  I stumbled on the first try, but this second time I believe I will do exceedingly better to earn the boards recommendation for direct commission.

My mission is to become a U.S. Army Reserve Commissioned Officer.

Warrior Ethos:  I will always place the mission first. I will never accept defeat.  I will never quit.

Today was the hottest day yet, and the forecast for the remainder of this week is grim with hotter days to come.  I haven't felt this way since the first two weeks of basic combat training in South Carolina where there is no breeze whatsoever.  I am so not used to living in a landlocked city, meaning I live in a city where the coast is only a 20 to 30 minute drive away.  Therefore,I live where there is always some kind of cool air moving some way, some how.  This forward operating base we are on is literally in a place very much like a rainforest, with low land elevation, constant steamy haze in the air, a very large, hot motor pool of running military vehicles going in and out all 24 hours a day, 7 days week until this training is over in August.  It has been the day of days, not only due to the heat, but my iPhone fell and the screen cracked.  I slipped and fell down in the latrine this evening and I skinned my foot and sprained my left wrist in an attempt to head to the shower.  Finally, since we arrived the showers have been cold due to the water heater breaking for the third time.  I am not trying to be "debbie downer," but honestly I thought this would be more fun.  Dear God, please let things get better from here on out!

The moral of this story soldiers is that there will be days in the military where military life will seemingly or literally give you a hailstorm of lemons.  But I guess the way to look at this sour and bitter situation is to realize that one has the opportunity to make a lot of lemonade.  Or as the saying actually goes, "When life gives you lemons make lemonade."

Warrior Ethos

I will always place the mission first.

I will never accept defeat.

I will never quit.

I will never leave a fallen comrade