I got back from training on December 1st, but this is not a video about any of that yet. This is just a quick "Hey! I'm fine" and I'm working my way back to normalcy as a civilian. Very basic. :)

Just thought I'd share with you what I do for a living and what not.

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This morning I woke up to my mom having an arsenal of questions that ultimately lead up to the quintessential question all sons and daughters are asked when deciding to join the armed forces, "Why do you want to join the military?"  Mom's question is fine and natural, but poorly timed--or maybe not because it got me thinking more.  To double-check my motives and reasons.  

I'll fast-forward and tell you now that I didn't give an answer because she cornered me before I was heading out the door for work and it would not be fair to her nor myself to just blurt out something.  I know my reasons, but something screamed, "This is not the time for this type of conversation."  And so I told my mom that when I get home this afternoon that we will talk about it, and she said ok.  But as I was preparing to step outside the house she stopped me and said, "I'm 59 years old and Jonathan (my brother) will have no one...no one in this world," as she started sobbing.  I think understand what my mother feels, but I immediately caught onto the underlying context--the worst case scenario:  She'll pass away, I'll get called up and die in a war, and my brother will be alone.  Again, I understand my mom's feelings, but I couldn't imagine for the life of me how I was supposed to respond to that with ten minutes before I have to literally be at work, not just on the way. When I think about it, I should have hugged my mom and told her again that we'll talk more about it this afternoon.  But I said stood there for all of ten seconds pondering what I should say, but I continued on.

A little backstory...

I do not want to share the details of my moms exact words and feelings about people dying for our country, but I'll just say that they aren't positive due to heated, long-lasting encounters with people she dislikes (and it left serious emotional scars; A BIG GRUDGE).  So the idea of one of her children joining the army to potentially die for a country that includes the continued happiness of the people she dislikes, and I'll leave nameless, it is just...out of this world for her.  And sadly, I honestly have no clue how to react to that.  Frankly, I'd probably side-step this aspect of her reason for asking me why I want to join the army.  In fact, it appears to be a distraction from the heart of the matter.  And as I realized that she asked me, "What do I need to fight for?!"  Immediately my thinking was I cannot adopt the same reason for not joining the army as her.  And when asked why I want to join, I can't think of any strong personal reasons for not joining--even in the face of being deployed "over there" from reserve status (of course, I'd be afraid, but I've accepted that reality because it's the military I'm joining, not Disney).  Finally she said to me, "In the time we live in, there will always be war."  *silence*

I know the risks and I ponder it a lot, even during the past when joining hadn't even crossed my mind.  I wondered, "What would it be like?"  So let me answer her question here, and this should help me better verbalize my reasons to my mom later today.

Why I want to joint the military (Army Reserve)

I want to serve my country.   No, our country isn't perfect.  It has many flaws, many that aren't worth defending one bit, but sooooo much more that is worth fighting for and maintaining--namely our future (the children), our history and the affect that our ideologies have had on the world (equality and freedom).  When I hear a negative remark about America, I ponder both sides of the argument to see if the critique is justified.  If it is justified, then I would suggest to that person that he or she not only talk about it, act on it, execute an effective approach to bring about awareness, and get it into the political arena within his or her home state so that change can begin to happen.  It's just that most people would rather complain, yell, shout, act out and cause a scene or hide, rather than do the dirty work that it takes to bring a matter to attention.  And this is probably the case because the process isn't a quick fix.  It's slow, may cost something (time and or money), and further personal sacrifice on some level outside of time and money.  Our Martin Luther Kings Jr.s, Rosa Parks', Ghandi's etc are fewer and far between.  Which takes me to my next point.

So I want to give, I want to serve, and meanwhile advance and improve myself as I do.  I've pondered ways to do it, and this is the choice I've made, though rigorous schedules, rules, and bodily strain are a VERY big of military life.  Furthermore, I expect to be FULLY surprised even after all I've read and have been told about the basic training and the army, and thereafter as well.  Nothing can fully prepare me, for what's to come, but I want to do it.  (To clarify however, I'm not at all interested in being on of those "HOOAH!!," jump out of planes, front line, shoot'em up, kill'em dead, fighter types.  If I wanted that I'd be thinking of an MOS (job) in Infrantry, and THEN I'd really understand where my mom is coming from. LOL  ...but that's not the case.)

Finally, I want to get a good career experience from joining the military, but I'll blog about this in detail another day though.

I'll talk to my mom this afternoon like I said. ...And I get it.  My mom is really asking, why does it have to be me?  Why do I need to join?  Let the other parents kids go to war. I'm her firstborn son of two sons.  I get it.  But again, what am I to do with myself, my career, my life?  Stand still?

 I'm 27 years old and I feel stifled.  If I thought my life and present career were satisfying, I wouldn't be bothing with the military, but I want more.  A bigger challenge.