To change things up I decided to take my smaller camera with me to training for the first time and keep a video log. I would strongly encourage any soldier, marine, airman, or sailor to keep a written and/or video account of their time in the military. It provides a way to reflect and release. It's good stuff! :)
For those that aren't familiar with what annual training is all about, to put it simply, US Army Reserve soldiers live predominately civilian lives in their home cities. However, one weekend out of each month they attend drill at their respective reserve units. Additonally, one particular month out of each year, reserve soldiers attend annual training, which can last two weeks or more, depending upon the closeness of a given unit's time to deploy (usually every five years, more or less). That should bring you up to speed on what the frenchfry I have been talking about for the last month.
I returned home Saturday evening on August 6th and couldn't have been happier to get back. I definitely learned a bit about my MOS as I stated in an earlier entry, but also learned a lot about my unit's overall function and it's members. Working and living in close quarters with soldiers you like and dislike for a long period of time can be stressful, annoying and strangely beneficial all at once. Annual training is deployment-like where you are not in control of what goes on around you nor what you are tasked to do, but you suck it up and get the work done. I guess what I'm trying to say is annual training was boring, frustrating and afforded me the time to do a lot of soul searching about what I want to do and where I want to be in my army career. Dear God! If I could change my MOS today, I would do it with such a quickness that I'd leave a trail of fire behind me on my way to see a career counselor.
I have been asked on many occasions whether I am afraid, anxious or excited to go to Afghanistan. Up until June my answer has always been to some effect, "I don't know." But now I must honestly say that my answer has changed. I dread deploying to Afghanistan as an 88N, transportation management coordinator. Going to Afghanistan doesn't bother me so much, but the MOS and the unit with which I am deploying leaves me very unhappy and unfulfilled as a soldier. Be not confused, as I am quite capable of doing my duty with motivation, albeit false. But deep down I am uninspired and less interested the longer I spend with my unit. I have found myself praying for a way out almost entirely unaware--so much that my dreams reflect my feelings.
All I want to do is be a photographer for the Army. The only way to do this is to get an MOS in Combat Camera or Public Affairs (the Army is doing away with Combat Camera and blending it with Public Affairs). At any rate, I have come to realize in the last two years that videography and photo journalism is where my heart is. I wake up every single day, grab my camera and take photos of something or someone. The sheer joy, fulfillment and sense of purpose couldn't be more fervent within me. I still want to be an officer, but if it means giving up commissioning to be a camera on the ground, as it were, I'd do it! There is a reason for everything and it took a month of simulated deployment with my unit to Fort McCoy to realize it. This epiphany that I have experienced in July has altered my focus and how I will go about shaping my future for the remainder of my Army contract.
To be continued...
